“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”
– M. Scott Peck (American psychiatrist and the best-selling author of The Road Less Traveled)
It is not surprising to note that, across various industries and sectors in the UK, individuals who have achieved great success often struggle with feelings of low self-esteem.
It is not uncommon to find highly confident CEOs, athletes, singers, celebrities, business leaders, and executives who are known for their abilities, talents, intelligence, and skills struggle to have a positive opinion of themselves. They often work with low self-esteem life coaches to work on their mindsets and nurture their self-worth.
Confidence is something that comes from within. A person “exudes” it. But it is very difficult to build confidence in your core skills if you believe you haven’t got any worth.
If you question your value as a person at a fundamental level, chances are it will impact what you believe about yourself and others, how you communicate, the way you conduct yourself, and how you bounce back from failures.
WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM AND HOW IS IT DIFFERENT FROM SELF-CONFIDENCE?
Self-esteem is the way you view and think about yourself. It is the opinion you have of yourself, while self-confidence is the trust you place in your abilities, judgements, or aptitude. It’s quite easy to see that a person can be highly confident but still believe that they are not worth much.
Several high-achieving individuals push themselves to become successful because of their feelings of low self-worth. Such high-achievers struggle with imposter syndrome, often reaching out to a low self-esteem life coach as a last resort to work on their negative self-perception.
In fact, a life coach or a confidence coach can help you identify the destructive patterns of low self-esteem and help you develop self-enhancing behaviour.
Self-esteem issues can trace back to one’s early years. But they’re not meant to be left undealt with. Any childhood issues that are eroding your self-worth and governing your life’s mantra are affecting you negatively even today. Low self-esteem is robbing you of the best version of life.
WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
In the workplace, poor self-esteem can cause you to shy away from working on challenging projects, taking more responsibility, asking for a promotion or a raise, transitioning to your dream job role, and even making key managerial decisions. You will always be undermining yourself, not taking risks, and not communicating effectively with your teammates.
The signs of low self-esteem are different for men and women. But they do overlap in some areas, and here they are:
- Negative self-talk
- Focussed on their flaws
- All-or-nothing thinking
- Assuming the worst without any evidence
- Imposter syndrome
- People pleaser
- Perfectionism
- Social withdrawal
- Avoiding challenges
Signs of low self-esteem in women are as follows:
- Poor body image
- Excessively apologising
- Difficulty making decisions
- Reacting to criticism with anger or defensiveness
- Difficulty setting boundaries
- Self-blame
Signs of low self-esteem in men are as follows:
- Lack of assertion
- Procrastination
- Substance abuse
- Poor posture, like slouching
- Social withdrawal
- Unnecessary comparison with others
While setting goals and pushing yourself to achieve is a commendable thing, achievements and successes are not the measure of your self-worth.
To feel comfortable in your own skin and believe that you are worthy of great things should never be based on your achievements or successes.
PRACTICAL WAYS TO OVERCOME LOW SELF-ESTEEM
When you face setbacks, your self-esteem takes a hit. If you have struggled in this area, know that self-esteem has to be built up every day, and the breaches made by daily challenges need to be repaired.
Here are some practical ways in which you can build up your self-image.
MAKE AN EFFORT TO APPEAR WELL-PUT TOGETHER
Nothing says confidence issues than a sloppily put-together person. If you need to work on your appearance, do so. Invest in clothes that help you look the part of an executive. Eat well and work out or take an active part in sports. Enjoy the outdoors. Present yourself in a positive way to others. It shows that you value yourself, your time, and theirs.
LEARN TO MEET YOUR OWN NEEDS
You must learn to manage your own needs and expectations. Taking responsibility, despite the things that were done to you, is a part of making progress as an adult. People with low self-esteem often expect inconsiderate amounts of help from other people, sometimes expecting them to shoulder their responsibilities. Relinquish unrealistic expectations from others. People may help you out once or twice, but you cannot idealise or denigrate them if they don’t. Everyone has their own priorities, and you need to prioritise yourself.
DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY
Do something for yourself every day. If there’s something you have always wanted to learn, try, or achieve, start working on it. Make some time from your daily routine and devote your efforts to those things that genuinely give you a sense of accomplishment.
WORK ON WHAT YOU SAY TO YOURSELF
The words you say to yourself in private make up the thoughts that control you. The goals you set for yourself, the decisions you make, and how you interact with your peers are reflections of the opinions you hold. Saying positive and encouraging things to yourself even after you’ve taken a dent in your confidence will help you avoid making an extra-critical self-assessment. Treat yourself as a close friend and speak kindly. Accept mistakes and seek to improve, but refuse to be cruel to yourself.
WORK WITH A LOW SELF-ESTEEM LIFE COACH
If you are struggling to understand yourself, working with a coach will help you identify and work on the causes of your low self-esteem. A quick call or a message, or just checking in with your coach about your day, could help you feel better. A good confidence coach should help you build up your estimation of yourself, motivating you, and weeding out the harsh things you believe about yourself.
WRAPPING UP: WHAT CAN A LOW SELF-ESTEEM LIFE COACH DO FOR YOU?
Let’s be clear that confidence coaching isn’t about “fixing” you. You’re not a broken person. You simply have an unreasonably poor view of who you are and what you’re capable of.
A low self-esteem life coach does not pat you on the back and tell you everything will be fine. He gets to the bottom of the issues affecting you and helps you live your life to the fullest.
The right coach should help you identify your excuses, tendencies to feel self-pity, or the fear of rejection. He’ll push you to build an unshakeable sense of self-worth that’s not dependent on external validation. He’ll help you live with conviction, exude confidence and work on your core skills so that you believe that you deserve better things.
By the end of the coaching sessions, you will begin to accept your seat at the table and no longer second-guess yourself. A low self-esteem life coach helps you cement the belief that you have worth, even when you doubt it.
Book a 90 minute coaching session. But remember this is not for the faint of heart. You will be challenged and anticipate change.